SUPER LOVE FOR SUPER SEX/LOVE-MAP LANDMARKS: DESCRIBE YOUR BEST CHILDHOOD
SAME-SEX FRIEND
Whom you choose to bond with depends not only on early experience of adult sex scenes, perceived parental sexual behavior, male/female sex-role interpretations, and sex play with boys and girls, it also relates to friendship patterns. Most of us had one special friend of the same gender, that one special playmate or school chum who shared our developmental joys and griefs. We often spent time talking, listening to one another’s lies, discussing one another’s life philosophies. This friend became a major point on our love map, a major determinant of some of the characteristics we would later look for in a marital partner. Do you remember such a friend?
One man reported, “Yes, it was Dennis. He was with me from early elementary school. We played together for hours. We formed a club, built a clubhouse, and were the only two members. We didn’t talk much about sex or anything like that. We just sort of shared the same terrors and hopes. One time we actually held hands. I’ll never forget it. We must have been about eight years old or so, and they were going to take blood tests, something about civil defense procedures. We were scared to death. We just held hands in line. I’ll never forget it.”
The special support from his boyhood friend became a key part of this man’s love map, and one that directly affected his later choice of a wife. His wife reported a similar incident, perhaps explaining in part the overlapping of love maps that I mentioned earlier and the impact of this overlapping on the sexual system.
‘ T never forget her. I just cannot think of her name, but she was always with me for about three years in school. She saved me many times. I remember not being able to jump rope worth anything.
The other girls laughed at me. She told them to stop, that I could do it if I wanted to, but that I was in training for ballet school and was not allowed to jump rope. Of course, this was a lie, but I would never have been fast enough or devious enough to think of it. She could always save me.”
This woman had selected a husband who did much the same thing in their marriage, supported her and covered for her. “He gets me out of any social event I really don’t want to go to. He is a good strategic liar,” she reported.
Her husband’s report supported this overlap theory. “She is always there for me. She even held my hand once in the waiting room at the dentist’s office. She did it beautifully. She held a magazine on her lap and put one on mine and we held hands under the magazines. I was scared to death, but she really helped me, and nobody ever knew about it.” A love-system bond is evident here, a map match that helped this couple find super marital sex.
*80\97\8*
