OUR MARITAL HEALTH/SEX AND PROBLEMS OF DAILY LIVING: SOME OF THE RECOMMENDATIONS GIVEN TO THE COUPLES REGARDING THE MONEY ISSUES
Here were some of the recommendations given to the couples regarding the money issues. Remember the warning of lackie Mason, who said,’ T have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.”
1. Money is a token, a token for trading a measure of some of your work or earnings for things you want or need. It has no meaning other than that. Do not allow its amount or use to symbolize anything more than that.
2 If you’re fighting over money, you’re not! When you fight over money, you are doing so because money provides a target for interpretation, misinterpretation, and “proving something.” Look deeper, because the money is not the issue.
3 Money relates directly to roles in the marriage. If there are problems with money, consider altering the roles. All role changes should be for a prearranged period of time followed by scheduled reassessment of how the new roles worked out.
4 When money problems are severe and arguments are getting bitter, sex will no doubt suffer. This is the time to reconsider goals, hopes, and aspirations for your marriage. When such dreams are vague, unshared, or forgotten, money and money issues seem to take on a life of their own. Couples may have a financial plan, but they need a shared life dream”, too.
5. The key first question in money management in marriage is not “Can we afford it?” or “Who will pay for it?” or “Who’s money is it?” but “What do we want to do and what do we need to do it or get it? ” After this question is discussed, then money can be the focus as a shared problem, a means to an end. Most couples want money to be able to “do” things, to “buy” time, rather than “get” things.
6. In a super sex marriage, all money is “us” money. It comes from and belongs to the marriage. Any other arrangement will prevent the type of intimate trust necessary for the type of sexuality that I am discussing. For a super marriage, all major purchases must be mutual, with intense shared review and discussion. Deferring to a partner on major investments will always come back to haunt you. It doesn’t matter who knows more about money. What matters is that both of you have feelings, and money issues are never separate from feeling issues.
*220\97\8*
