GAMES FOR IMPULSIVE COUPLES – GAME 1: DELAYED GRATIFICATION (PART 3)
By delaying their gratification and withstanding temptation, this couple are building up their egos—that is, their capability to deal with the frustrations of life, of which the sexual frustrations of their marriage are merely a part. The exercise will also ameliorate symptoms of sexual dysfunction that are a part of impulsive personalities, such as premature ejaculation, shallow orgasms, and frigidity. In addition, as they resist temptation, they will get in touch with feelings of shame and rage.
The second part of this game consists of verbalizing thoughts and feelings that emanate from the frustration of their immediate desire.
“I hate waiting for sex.”
“I don’t see the point of this. It’s stupid.”
“Nobody ever waited for anything in my family.”
“Nor in mine. Well, maybe we’ll appreciate it more if we wait.”
“I doubt it.”
“You know, there’s something strangely liberating about waiting.”
“I know what you mean. We can stop running now.” Actually, they do end up appreciating sex more, as well as respecting themselves more. Eventually they get in touch with the shame that is associated with their inability to tolerate frustration, as well as with narcissistic rage and an attitude of entitlement.
Verbalizing these feelings and understanding them will put them in a different mode of being, one based more on mature self- and mutual respect. As they understand these feelings more, they will have less of a need to avoid them—hence their sexual relationship, and very likely their relationship in general, will be ever deeper and more rewarding.
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