ALL ABOUT MARRIAGE: JUST MARRIED
So you are now married!
Congratulations!
This is one of the most satisfying periods in a person’s life. It is a major milestone, for it represents the start of a totally new way of living. Gone are the days when you were part of the family circle created by your own parents. Right now you are out in the big world about to begin the circle all over again.
Just as your parents established their home several years ago, and subsequently made you part of it, so you are embarking on a similar course.
You are about to set up your own family circle. In due course, it is to be hoped, the two of you will produce and establish a family. You are hoping this will be a happy, healthy family that will bring an enormous amount of pleasure to many people, first to yourselves, and secondly to those who will ultimately form your very own family – your children.
From the start, let’s point out how important children are to fulfilling happiness and contentment within marriage.
Despite what modern society might say, reproducing and bringing children into the world, and subsequently raising them is one of the greatest delights available. Fashions and fads come and they go. But this one stays for ever. The Pill may have altered the concept of family planning, but the basic idea of procreation continues.
Some couples foolishly believe that they will go through life caring and thinking of themselves only. They have no wish to live for anyone else but themselves. This of course is a selfish as well as a foolish concept.
I can assure you, that concept will not last. Humans are built to love, make love, and reproduce. It is one of the most forceful inbuilt intuitions we possess. Although during the first few weeks and months of your new-found euphoric world you might think that your passions will never fade, that you are meant for each other, that you do not want anything or anyone else to become part of it, this will gradually alter. It may take months, or even years. But sooner or later, the desire to reproduce will come strongly upon you both.
Over the years, I have seen this picture unfold on countless occasions. Efforts are often made to “take the Pill” regularly every night, or use some other fool-proof system of birth control. But it doesn’t matter how rigidly the system is adhered to, sooner or later a change takes place. One partner or the other decides to opt out. Often it is the girl who begins to think wistfully about a family. Suddenly she realizes that life is becoming empty. She sees her friends pushing prams and strollers. She sees tiny feet following her other married friends. The feeling becomes overwhelming. She too has the desire to do the same thing. After all, what is life all about?
So, whatever the preconceived plans and ideas, the overwhelming desire takes hold. She is not happy until she becomes pregnant and gives birth to a new life.
Or it may be the husband who “becomes clucky.” Suddenly he realizes that his peers and current friends are continually talking about what “Little Jimmy” did. How well he is sleeping at night . . . taking his feeds . . . how he looks just like dad . . . mum . . . how he has said “Dad-Dad” for the first time . . . and the husband has witnessed the glow of happiness, satisfaction and pride that has accompanied such talk.
What’s the marriage game all about? he suddenly asks himself. Say, why should we be left out of this business? Let’s get started!
A quick talk often solves the problem. Why bother trying to get the house paid off before deciding to start a family? Why try to pay for the car, the refrigerator, the television set? It looks as though it could take an age. If we don’t start until then, we will be geriatrics and probably incapable of having children!
These thoughts tend to race through fertile young minds. If one agrees and the other doesn’t, the end-point is often one that is not very important. The wife can easily stop taking the Pill, or cease using whatever contraceptive measures she might be on. In the early stages of marriage, this side is usually left up to the wife.
But for whatever reason, if pregnancy ensues, one thing is absolutely certain. Both partners are invariably agreed that it is a good idea, and usually are delighted. This might take a bit of time to adjust to. In fact, it might take several months.
I have frequently seen one partner, or sometimes both, absolutely furious when told pregnancy has taken place.
*1/76/5*
