MEDICAL CARE DURING PREGNANCY: CHOICE OF HOSPITAL

Many women have their hearts set on attending a certain hospital. This is usually because a close relative or friend attended that particular hospital for her confinement. Maybe you visited her there, found everything to your liking, and decided it was the place for you if and when your time came.

Moreover, your friend probably extolled the virtues of the place. She has told you how happy she was there, how efficient the services were, how kind and thoughtful and attentive the nursing staff were, and how delightful and well prepared and served the food was.

These are important factors, to be sure. If the efficiency of the institution extended also to the more practical medical side, if it is geared to meet all possible requirements, to cope with all emergencies and eventualities, then that hospital may indeed be the “ideal place for you.

But a few other factors are also worth bearing in mind. If the hospital, no matter how good it is, happens to be located many miles from where you live, and is almost inaccessible, then it may not be the most convenient place after all. Just think that you are actually to live there for about a week (more or less, depending on how you fare). No doubt you will look forward to frequent social visits from your family and friends. If you are situated miles away, the chances of very many visits will not be high. It is not important now, but later on it may be a factor that makes your hospital days happy or not-so-happy. At least, it is worth bearing in mind.

Also, you must physically ‘ ‘get to the hospital on time.” Of course, with confinement number one, there is usually plenty of warning time. But with subsequent confinements, there is not always a great deal of time between the initial warnings and the time baby puts in his appearance. So, long distances to travel (maybe in traffic snarls and peak-hour difficulties) could present a problem. You will have enough to cope with at the time without worrying about the mechanics of getting to hospital in safety.

Many a baby has been born in a taxi or an ambulance en route to the hospital. Such events often make the front pages of newspapers. But it is certainly a most undesirable situation, both for mother and baby. Indeed, it can lead to major problems, and is definitely not for you.

So, when you discuss doctors, the hospital situation must also be considered at the same time. The sooner this is attended to, the better. Usually the doctor arranges the hospital booking. Often it is necessary for you to back this up by a personal attendance at the hospital, fill out certain forms, pay a deposit, and attend to certain formalities. In these days of hospital overcrowding, it is essential that this all be attended to very early. Frequently, the doctor will do his part within minutes of your leaving his office after the initial attendance.

These days, economics often plays a part in medical care. So, some people will prefer to attend hospital clinics direct. Once more, it is a case of taking action promptly as soon as you feel you may be pregnant. Once there, the routine is very similar to the system you will follow if you attend a doctor in a private capacity. In short, you get aboard the merry-go-round, and you go wherever it takes you.

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FAMILY PLANNING: THE CONDOM

The condom, or sheath, is still used, although this too has been replaced with most by other forms. It consists of a rubber sheath that the male fits over the penis in the erect state prior to vaginal penetration. The spermatic ejaculate enters a small dilated nipple at the closed end of the device. It is often used in women who are on the Pill, but who prefer to be ‘ ‘off it” for a month or two rest spell.

It appears to be more widely used among unmarried couples or with those whose sexual encounters are of the casual kind. At least the condom has one added function which is most important these promiscuous days. It gives both parties excellent protection against the risk of contracting or spreading venereal infections, and for that reason it is to be hoped its availability will continue. There is no hope of stamping out promiscuous living, and this, at least, is one way of reducing the national V.D. toll, which has been escalating at an appalling rate.

Doctors are well aware of the protective value of the simple condom. In fact, the advent of the Pill and its ready availability has often been blamed for the increase in V.D. Women, of all social strata, now tend to use the Pill, whereas in former times there was a greater reliance on the condom, which mechanically prevented or greatly reduced the V.D. transmission factor.

World-wide, the condom is said to be very widely used, particularly in the Orient.

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MARRIAGE: SEXUAL ASPECT

The sexual aspect of marriage is vitally important. While it may be possible to have a happy marriage and yet not have a satisfactory sexual relationship, such a situation is the exception rather than the rule. Happiness in the marriage bond may not be entirely dependent upon the mutually satisfactory sexual arrangements and attitudes; however, in practice, to a large extent, marital contentment is usually closely bound up with this side of marriage.

There are many couples who have sexually drifted apart. Some of these may declare that they are quite content with things as they are, that they are in no need of such satisfactions as others may obtain from a sexual relationship with their partners. However, it is a matter of record that such relationships are fragile at best, for one or the other (or sometimes both) of the marriage partners will come to the place when they tire of this arrangement, and it is not long before a secret liaison is established with someone else. In other words, it is easy to fool ourselves that we have no physical and emotional needs which are normally satisfied with a sexual relationship within marriage; but literally millions of couples have proved that, by adopting this attitude they have done themselves—and their marriage—an irreparable disservice.

For those who have found a satisfying relationship with their marriage partners, the sexual side of marriage almost invariably demonstrates the fact that this very thing which is often abused, scoffed at and made light of, is fundamental to the smooth operation of the marriage and an integral part of the warmth of companionship that true marriage is founded upon.

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MARRIAGE: CLOSENESS WITH CHILDREN

Naturally, every parent will try to inculcate into their children what is right and what is wrong. Moral standards in every walk of life may be taught, but in a friendly, co-operative manner, not thrust down his throat like a set of textbook rules. This will never be accepted, and may only breed resentment.

Closeness with your children can mean that the communication gap will never open up, and thus a major hurdle is overcome. So many parents and children look on the generation gap—the time-distance between them both— with awe. It exists in many, many families, and prevents meaningful communication. Each believes he is in a different world, and in effect this is true. But if the drift can be prevented in the first place, their worlds can be identical.

Children should learn to respect the property of others, and this is easier when there are several children in the one family. In fact, learning to give and take and share physical property (as well as responsibilities) comes easier and more naturally the more there are in the family circle. Often, of sheer necessity, each must learn to share to make everything go around.

Let your children know that they must work for what they get in life. Many parents sensibly attribute monetary values for things, particularly as the children become older. Money doesn’t grow on trees, but many children believe it does, having enormous numbers of items thrust on them during childhood.

Very often, the more a person has, the less he appreciates it. If he has to work for it, to make some physical effort to gain what he wants, pride of ownership means so much more. For this reason, many parents will give the child so much “pocket money” as he gets older, on a regular weekly basis. But for this he may be expected to do a certain number of listed chores. In this manner he is getting to know the value of money, and this may help inestimably in his future life. He learns values, and the fact that nothing comes for free in this world. Some parents may disagree then with this, but in principle (probably with some sort of modification to suit the situation), I believe it to be sound.

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ALL ABOUT MARRIAGE: JUST MARRIED

So you are now married!

Congratulations!

This is one of the most satisfying periods in a person’s life. It is a major milestone, for it represents the start of a totally new way of living. Gone are the days when you were part of the family circle created by your own parents. Right now you are out in the big world about to begin the circle all over again.

Just as your parents established their home several years ago, and subsequently made you part of it, so you are embarking on a similar course.

You are about to set up your own family circle. In due course, it is to be hoped, the two of you will produce and establish a family. You are hoping this will be a happy, healthy family that will bring an enormous amount of pleasure to many people, first to yourselves, and secondly to those who will ultimately form your very own family – your children.

From the start, let’s point out how important children are to fulfilling happiness and contentment within marriage.

Despite what modern society might say, reproducing and bringing children into the world, and subsequently raising them is one of the greatest delights available. Fashions and fads come and they go. But this one stays for ever. The Pill may have altered the concept of family planning, but the basic idea of procreation continues.

Some couples foolishly believe that they will go through life caring and thinking of themselves only. They have no wish to live for anyone else but themselves. This of course is a selfish as well as a foolish concept.

I can assure you, that concept will not last. Humans are built to love, make love, and reproduce. It is one of the most forceful inbuilt intuitions we possess. Although during the first few weeks and months of your new-found euphoric world you might think that your passions will never fade, that you are meant for each other, that you do not want anything or anyone else to become part of it, this will gradually alter. It may take months, or even years. But sooner or later, the desire to reproduce will come strongly upon you both.

Over the years, I have seen this picture unfold on countless occasions. Efforts are often made to “take the Pill” regularly every night, or use some other fool-proof system of birth control. But it doesn’t matter how rigidly the system is adhered to, sooner or later a change takes place. One partner or the other decides to opt out. Often it is the girl who begins to think wistfully about a family. Suddenly she realizes that life is becoming empty. She sees her friends pushing prams and strollers. She sees tiny feet following her other married friends. The feeling becomes overwhelming. She too has the desire to do the same thing. After all, what is life all about?

So, whatever the preconceived plans and ideas, the overwhelming desire takes hold. She is not happy until she becomes pregnant and gives birth to a new life.

Or it may be the husband who “becomes clucky.” Suddenly he realizes that his peers and current friends are continually talking about what “Little Jimmy” did. How well he is sleeping at night . . . taking his feeds . . . how he looks just like dad . . . mum . . . how he has said “Dad-Dad” for the first time . . . and the husband has witnessed the glow of happiness, satisfaction and pride that has accompanied such talk.

What’s the marriage game all about? he suddenly asks himself. Say, why should we be left out of this business? Let’s get started!

A quick talk often solves the problem. Why bother trying to get the house paid off before deciding to start a family? Why try to pay for the car, the refrigerator, the television set? It looks as though it could take an age. If we don’t start until then, we will be geriatrics and probably incapable of having children!

These thoughts tend to race through fertile young minds. If one agrees and the other doesn’t, the end-point is often one that is not very important. The wife can easily stop taking the Pill, or cease using whatever contraceptive measures she might be on. In the early stages of marriage, this side is usually left up to the wife.

But for whatever reason, if pregnancy ensues, one thing is absolutely certain. Both partners are invariably agreed that it is a good idea, and usually are delighted. This might take a bit of time to adjust to. In fact, it might take several months.

I have frequently seen one partner, or sometimes both, absolutely furious when told pregnancy has taken place.

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